#3

"When you try your best but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need." - Coldplay, Fix You.

I don't know why, this song just popped out in my head when I was thinking of writing this. Though that's not really what's happening to me. I tried my best and I succeed. Not a really great success but I did not fail. So that's definitely a success, right?

Next, the second part. I did not get what I want. Not sure whether it is something that I need or not. But I am so reluctant to go on with my life, particularly my studies. I'm currently in my semester break. I honestly can't wait to start a new semester since I literally did not do anything or go anywhere throughout this holiday. I feel more like a human, more lively in uni. But when the grouping list comes out, the feeling just vanished.

I am in the same group with someone I am not really comfortable working with. I know this sounds very childish. But just imagine, it's gonna be for the whole semester. I'm not saying I can simply dislike a person, but I've been working and dealing with that person for the past 3 semesters. Maybe he doesn't feel the same, he's okay with me. But I am not the type of person who can get over things very easily. Little things like this can be really disturbing. Once I feel like I can't cope with one's style, I'll never will. What's even worse, right now we're working together on some project and God knows how many times we had arguments and misunderstandings and I can't stand working and create another argument with him anymore. His style doesn't meet mine, at all. He's very 'kiasu' and 'gelabah' and wants to do everything by himself and get all the credits and then stressed out because he feels like he's the only one doing everything. Whereas I am a very underground person. I'll do what I should do. You won't see I'm doing my job, but at the end of the day mine will be done, better than yours. I'm the 'rilex lah' person, but doesn't mean I'm not responsible. It's just that I'm not 'kiasu' and 'gelabah' like you.

Another case that the grouping list showed me is that one person that is actually someone to me, is in the same group with someone that I'm very insecure of. And seeing them working together, going to classes together for the whole semester will just making me more insecure and will kill me slowly inside.

I just don't know how should I survive. I know I will survive. I will. I'm very sure about that. These two things that are bothering me, shouldn't be stopping me from doing things I should do, in another word, passing. I know I'll survive. But tell me, how?